to be selfish

http://inaminuteago.com/stitchindex.html

for Jamie's class

i don't know how to deal with death

on the way home from running errands today i got a phone call from my papa. whenever i get a call from him i get worried. not that he has bad news always... he's just not the type to pick up the phone to chat. as soon as i answered & realized it wasn't my mama i asked what was wrong. he told me his baby brother had died. i never met him. i didn't even really know of him until i stumbled upon some old photo albums when i was 13. i don't know how to feel. this is new territory for me.

ramblings of my mind when introduced to sleeplessness

we can't protect ourselves forever... even if i'm not willing to give up trying yet

God's sense of humor = irony... "he invented it... he's the master"

sunday will be my 2nd mass ever... that is if Bryan & my schedules match up this week

no matter how much you squint or glare... you can't change what's happening right in front of you by just looking at it

ohio has too many counties

it doesn't matter so much where you've been... or where you're going... you just have to get through where you are

i'm ready for this rain they speak of... & a steep walk up a hill in Fresno

12AM ALARM

Home for Christmas in the valley. The papa’s alarm on his watch which is sitting on the kitchen table went off @ midnight. I’ll be up until him & the mamma get up @ a quarter to 6. Can’t work out because I’ve strained muscles in both of my feet & it’s difficult enough to stand. I can’t go anywhere. The only place open in a small town @ midnight is the Wal-Mart a bit down the road. Not fun to visit it alone. So I’m cleaning up the kitchen for Miss Dianna. Washing dishes… scrubbing countertops & back splashes… listening to a random country music station because the local top 40 station goes off air @ 11. There’s no snow… sad… & no internet here… sadder. I’ll have to drive out to my sister’s house in the morning to post this. But it’s home… can’t hate it no matter how hard you try.

how to not fall when getting into the shower

it is okay to be the only sober person at a party
it is okay to be sad
it is okay to run around the house completely naked
it is okay to have your heart broken
it is okay to paint little green army men "CHROME" for Christmas decorations
it is okay to drive an hour and a half for a 45 minute performance [especially if cake is involved]
it is okay to ride a stationary bike for 22 miles... even more okay to not
it is okay to watch audrey hepburn movies all day w/2 friends you care much about
it is okay to have to say goodbye to friends

life is more than just okay... it is more than right & wrong... it is what you make of the okay and not so okay events that make up the day. i am burnt out on life as of now... it will be nice to have not just okay days... but ones that you call your friends about... days you dwell & smile on for months to come. it will be nicer than cake :)

home

will never be Columbus or Zanesville.

giglio della valle che salta nella brezza

when we were much younger, we made up our own language, code words, things that would help us to keep everyone from knowing what was actually going on in our lives. for every word we wrote to eachother, 3 or 4 words would cover it up. only we could understand what the other was thinking. sometimes we didn't even have to talk to know. then we grew up. moved away. had babies [or rather took care of the babies of others, or just others for that matter]. lost ourselves in the process.